Those of us who work in IT, especially in technical support, often have to deal with people who are losing their cool. Maybe a printer failed at the worst time, maybe the network went down right in the middle of an important project, maybe a computer blue-screened right in the middle of a client demonstration. Maybe what happened wasn’t really that big of a deal, but the end-user or customer is really angry. Maybe the other person isn’t even a customer, perhaps they’re a co-worker or a boss. Regardless of what happened, you’ve got someone who is really angry and you’ve got to deal with them. That’s when your emotional intelligence, combined with knowing some anger management activities can really help. Here are ten tips to help you keep your cool when everyone around you is really hot (or angry).
10 Ways to Keep Your Cool
- It’s Not Personal Conflicts with customers and co-workers are not usually personal. Don’t take it personally. Sure, sometimes that’s hard to do, yet it’s important for you to maintain your cool even during such a conflict.
- Pause and Breathe First of all, pause for a moment. You’ll need to acknowledge what was said: “I hear you and I understand (state the problem).” Then, state that you’re going to pause: “I need just a moment to process this.” Give yourself four or five seconds to take a deep breath (or two) and think about the best way to respond. Then, respond. Remember the stop light metaphor which we’ve discussed before. When you encounter an emotionally charged situation, first go to red, which means stop. Then go to yellow, in which you consider your range of options. Then, finally, go to green in which you choose the best option in terms of achieving a positive outcome for yourself, the other person, your co-workers, and the company.
- Use Empathetic Words and Phrases A sincerely offered phrase, such as “I’m really sorry that happened to you.” can go a long way toward defusing an emotionally charged situation and heading off an exchange of angry words. Just make sure you can say it sincerely.
- Paraphrase When you respond, paraphrase what you just heard. You might even say something like “I want to make sure I understand you correctly, so let me paraphrase what you just said.” Then, summarize what the other person said to you and ask something like “Is that it? Do I understand you correctly?” There are three benefits to paraphrasing: First, you ensure you understand the other person correctly, second, you stay connected to the other person when you feel fighting with them, and third, paraphrasing provides another pause…an opportunity for a cooler head to prevail.
- Gather More Information After you paraphrase, gather more information from the other person. This is one of the most powerful anger management activities, whether it’s you or someone else whose angry. Use phrases such as “Tell me more about what happened.” or “Help me understand how this affects you.” In addition to gathering more information, you’re showing interest in the other person’s problem.
- Remind Yourself to Keep Your Cool Constantly remind yourself to keep your cool. Consider putting small signs in places where you’ll see them reminding you to keep calm. During World War II, the British Government even produced a poster that has recently become popular. It read “Keep calm and carry on.” Good advice.
- Think of What You Can Control Think about what is within your control and what you can’t control. Deal with what is within your control and let go of that which is outside of your control. If you have no control over it, what’s the point of getting upset about it?
- Take a Timeout Depending on the nature of the problem, perhaps you can take a break from the confrontation and revisit it later when emotions aren’t so raw and neither of you are so fired up. Try saying something like, “I’m pretty upset right now, so I wonder if we could take a few minutes (or a day or longer) to let me calm down and then discuss this at a later date.”
- Focus on the Bigger Picture Remember that your job (and the other person’s job) is about accomplishing the goals of the company. Be intentional and think about how your words and actions might impact the company’s goals and your career.
- Take a Break After dealing with an emotionally charged situation, give yourself a short break. Go to the restroom and splash cold water on your face, take a brief walk outside, or watch a funny YouTube video. Give your mind and body a chance to recover.
Keep Your Cool for Your Career and Your Life
Your ability to keep your cool when everyone around you is hot will serve you well in both your professional and your personal life. Anger management activities, including these ten tips combined with your emotional intelligence skills, can help you maintain your cool in emotionally charged situations at work and in your personal life. You will gain the respect of your bosses and co-workers and family and friends, you will keep your stress levels under control, and you will dramatically improve your quality of life.
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